Caressing her hair, her smiling face bumbed into his. “oh how lucky I am… ” She thought. “I love you. You mean the world to me.” He whispered to her baby-soft ears, causing her heart to leap for joy, bumping her rib cage. Leah wouldn’t trade Dave for anything. He knows how to make her feel like a queen. She just can’t wait for him to ask her to ride her off into her daily fantasy of “happily ever after.”
“Leah! Leah! Wake up! Wake up!” Her face lit with dismay when her eyes collided with the rays of light piercing through the window pane.
“It’s 9am. Won’t you come with us to the cinema?” Becky asked.
“I am not going! You shouldn’t have waked me.” She muttered.
Leah went back to bed. She tried to continue her beautiful dream but she had no control of that. She wished Becky had left without waking her from something she longed to experience in realty.
Leah was 26. She was independent and successful. As a real estate agent, she is the most sorted for, when it comes to credibility in her field, in the city. She is often happy seeing how successful she is, but something always makes her feel so unfulfilled as a lady—she doesn’t have a man in her life. The pressure coming from her family adds to the weight of the pressure on her. Sometimes she feels, God has destined her to be miserable in life even if she is successful. Leah has an amazing personality—humble, kind and caring—thinking she has no man in her life because of her personality is something people will not succumb to.
Leah’s story is one, a lot of ladies can relate with. Every lady desires to be with the man of her dream, who will ride her off into “happily ever after” just like the Cinderella story. But most often, are cut in the web of singleness with loneliness tattooed all over their gestures. This is also common among men, but most, among women, which is often geared by society, personal conviction and peer pressure.
According to a lot of authors on the meaning of singleness, “Singleness is a gift.” This statement has made a lot of singles frown at who ever says it because the status—singleness—has meant more of a curse to them. I won’t judge anyone who says singleness is a curse. Rather, reorient him/her on what to do to get over seeing singleness as a curse.
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Singleness is beyond a season of “not courting or not married,” as we have known. It is a season of preparing to be a wife or husband even if you have no one in your life—gaining wisdom, knowledge, skills, building character and reputation as a husband/wife, discovering purpose and fulfilment. Acknowledging that your season of singleness has a purpose, is the first step to getting off the pew of “worries” because you are single. Leslie and Eric Ludy in their book, “When God Writes Your Love Story,” wrote, “When you don’t acknowledge God’s purpose for the season of singleness, you will always feel devalued or ‘less than.'”
Let’s look at the above stated factors in understanding singleness and coming to the knowledge of why you shouldn’t panic because you are single.
Purpose is what defines man. Before the creation of every individual, God had a purpose at heart for that individual to fulfill. Let me paraphrase Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; to be a solution, which I have given you the potentials to be effective at.” A man or lady who is single and have not come to the knowledge of God’s purpose for him or her, should see the season of singleness—regardless of how old he/she is, as a season of discovering themselves in a deeper dimension. To have a man or woman in one’s life, means you have known who you are. Hence, you are capable of helping someone fulfill his/her purpose while fulfilling yours without comprise.
A question might arise in your mind, like; what if I have discovered my purpose but I am still single?
The uniqueness of singleness is one that lessen your responsibility. You get that “alone time” more often than when you are married or in a romantic relationship. Hence, your singleness might have a different purpose that will require you to have no man or woman in your life for some time.
Roman’s 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (NIV) Hence, it’s obvious that even singleness works for our good( joy and fulfilment) since we have been called according to God’s purpose even before our conception. Let’s look at other reasons why an individual can still be single.
Gaining Wisdom and Knowledge
The goal of anyone who desires to be in a romantic relationship, is to walk down the aisle and remain happily married. Proverbs 4:7 states, “Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.”
Wisdom sets a person apart especially in making decisions, cohabiting with others, productivity etc. It makes you a person worth being around. No man wants a foolish woman as a wife and no woman wants a foolish man as a husband. Even though foolishness isn’t written on the forehead, it shows itself off in attitudes and the way we treat others and make decisions. Debi Pearl, the author of “Preparing To Be A Helpmeet” wrote, “Wisdom is needed to know how to treat your man.” this is very applicable to men as well. When you use your season of singleness to gain wisdom, it will help you in making decision in your relationship and marriage, as well as in other spheres of your life.
Knowledge on the other hand is an offspring of wisdom. They work closely. When you gain wisdom, knowledge becomes an added package because wisdom will make you see the need to seek knowledge in areas that affect your life.
As a single lady or man, what knowledge are you acquiring to build you now, so that the lady or man of your dream will find distinct about you?
As a single individual, what knowledge are you acquiring that is, and will be of benefit to your present and future family?
Singleness isn’t just a phase to while away, drenched in worries and wishes. It’s a stage to get busy for your future (relationship, and marriage). Debi Pearl wrote, “Knowledge is more than anything when bad times hit.”
In summary, God might want you to be single for sometime so you could gain wisdom and knowledge because you will need them to avoid hit-and-run relationship cycle and in making decisions in your future relationship and marriage. This might be the case of Leah.
Building Character And Reputation
Your character determines your reputation. It tells people who you are and even if you pretend, it won’t be for long because your true character will still surface. Hence, it gives people the opportunity to judge you—reputation.
God might delay the right man or woman from coming into your life because he wants you to build your character. It might be a particular attitude, say patience, humility, kindness, self-control, gentleness faithfulness, obedience and the likes.
For the women, Proverbs 31:11 says, “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” For the men, 1Timothy 3:2-3 says, “Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome…”
These scriptures stress the need for good character for both men and women, which beget reputation.
A woman of good character will be a blessing to her husband and children. So will a man of good character be to his wife and children. What ever attitude or character that is needed to have a worthwhile relationship or marriage, is developed best in the season of singleness.
In summary, instead of getting yourself all worked up because of being single, search yourself and ask a trusted person what character he sees in you that needs to be worked on, then work on it.
No man desires to have a liability for a girlfriend or wife. And no woman wants to be with a liability—boyfriend or husband. Hence, gaining skills becomes a subject that has a great impact on relationships and marriage as it affect not only it financial state.
You might be single because God wants you to develop a skill which you will need to give your undivided attention to, before having someone in your life. It’s possible that your destiny is to meet your future spouse through that skill. I have heard of stories of some ladies and men meeting their future spouse while exploring their skills.
Debi Pearl wrote, “A princess will not be a come-on (grabber) or hidden (hidden flower) she will be busy productive and her life we have purpose and her purpose will not be to get married.” “patience is not sitting around waiting.” Aside skills that can be a financial source, use your single season to learn skills that will be of great benefit to your present and future family. It can be in catering, designing, creativity and the likes. You will be grateful in the future, that you used your single season to learn helpful skills.
Being fulfilled in your singleness is paramount. Even if Leah had accomplished a lot, she lacked fulfilment. Fulfilment in this context stretches beyond having an array of awards hunged on the wall. I’m sure Leah had such.
God might desire you to be single for sometime because he wants you to be fulfilled and be contented with your singleness first. The words of Debi Pearl read; “If you are not contented with what you have (singleness) you won’t be contented with what you want (relationship or marriage).”
Being fulfilled in your single season also means having a relationship with God. This is not the communal relationship of Sunday and weekdays meetings at church or fellowship gathering. It is a personal communion with God; being contented with God will make you trust him enough to bring the man or woman of your dreams to you in his perfect timing. We could see Leah lacking that in the above story. Some people are often afraid of trusting God enough to bring their future spouse because they think he will bring them some pastor, which isn’t always true.
Being fulfilled in your single season is not about your ability to be fulfilled but about God’s grace to make you fulfilled and trust his timing, which you will seek for in your personal communion with God. This doesn’t mean that you won’t feel lonely or worried at rare occasions. You will, because you are human. But God’s grace will get you through every moment.
The above five, are some of the reasons why you shouldn’t panic because you are single: singleness has a purpose. It’s a season of preparation—preparing to be a Helpmeet (women) or preparing to need a Helpmeet (men). Eric Ludy wrote, “Don’t waste this season of singleness. Ask God to help you cultivate every opportunity to become the man or woman they are dreaming of.”
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